Willow Tree Will...and some swirly thoughts that need emptying...

Revelation 21:4 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

My Uncle Chris died this past Saturday in his sleep.  He had just turned 60, I believe. We weren't very close, I had only met him a few times in my life...but in the times I did, I concluded that he was a very sweet, reserved man.

Watching the news of his passing fade in and out of my grandparents thoughts has been heartbreaking to say the least. I wish I could take away their pain. He was their first child, first son...thinking about it leaves me with a long sigh and a sad shake to the head. I've drawn a blank as to how to console them...because what do I know of losing a child? There are no words to bring immediate relief - just prayer and more prayer...or simple silence. There was a lot of that on Saturday.

It's left me over the past few days mulling over my own life and eventual death. Yeah, it's a bit morbid to think about the end of my road... but it's inevitable. No matter what I do or think, my life will one day have its last page read and the book will close with a soft thump as the pages firmly press together.

What will my final words or thoughts be? Will they be positive, enlightening, happy? Who will be the last person I speak with, touch, laugh with, cry with...what will my last facebook status be? (I know...so silly to think about that last one.) Will I leave this world with a lasting impression of goodness and light? I hope so. I'd like to think that for the most part, I live my life in that way. I am human though and am prone to those moments where I feel like I'm coming unglued completely. I hope those moments (okay...days, to be more realistic) become more far and few between so my chances of leaving this world with a smile will be much greater.

They say that the mourning process is more for those that were left behind than the person who has passed. Or something to that effect. Can I just say here...I don't want anyone to be upset when my time comes...unless you refused to get to know me. Then you should be sad because I'm awesome and you missed out (kidding, kidding...or am I??)

I'm not afraid of dying...I'm ready to kick it with Jesus anytime! I know exactly where I'm going - no doubt in my mind. I have often tried to imagine the greatness of Heaven. I know anything I come up with is simply a small smidgen of what it really is. That's exciting. Eternal life after this temporary one here. Yes, I'm allll about that! 

I know losing a loved one is hard, heart-breaking and painful - I've been there. I know there will be some sadness for my loved ones when I depart, it's just how life goes. I just hope that whenever that times comes, I'll have lived out a life that was fulfilling, that I won't have any regrets. I'll hopefully have lived a life that touched many...I'm hoping to create a positive ripple effect in some way or another.

Another thought that has crossed my mind over the past few days is funerals/burials. So much money is spent for our mortal comfort on boxes and stones...for a place to visit a person that is no longer there. Now, I'm not knocking any of that at all. We all deal in our own ways and there is nothing wrong with that  if that's what you or your loved ones prefer. But you know what I want? Of course you don't...so let me tell you!

I want a simple cremation. Mix up my ashes in some fresh dirt afterwards and plant a willow tree on top of me in a field. It sounds weird now that I've typed it out but hear me out...to me, it signifies a new life, a new creation. I'll be better, stronger, prettier, healthier, HAPPIER in Heaven than I'll ever be here on this earth and the tree can signify that. It's not a cold piece of granite but a living, growing thing! I think it's appropriate. If my loved ones want a place to pay their respects, they can do so by tending to the Willow Tree (they're my favorite, by the way)...reading under it, letting kids play with the hanging branches, birds making they're homes in it...that's what I want. To me, that's far more beautiful (and much more economical and environmentally friendly!)

Side thought: I wonder if blogs can be legally binding...if so, I, Jennifer Leigh (Joiner) Evans, hereby declare, plant me under a Willow Tree in a field! Tend to it when you miss me and know that I'm enjoying a wonderful life with my Creator!

I know this has been an off-kilter kind of post today - my emotions are kind of all over the place with a few other things going on. I normally try to have a general message throughout each post, something that might benefit someone else and I'm not really getting that vibe from this post today. I hope I haven't depressed you...today I just needed an outlet to get these thoughts out of my mind so it wasn't just floating and swirling all around. You know how that goes, don't you?

I'm not sure how to end this post today. So, in an effort to avoid writing a bunch of choppy sentences that don't mesh well with everything else, I'm just going to end this...

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here.


Until next time!